Celebs Emmy Reactions Are Boring! We Rewrite 'Em

Thank God the Emmys nominated a handful of funny people who know how to make a statement: Julia-Louis Dreyfus is "really looking forward to kicking Tina Fey's ass!" Amy Poehler is "pumped for some high-octane, heart-thumping, hard-core Emmy action!"

But these funny, fitting statements stand alone among incredibly bland reactions. What's with getting all droll when awards season starts—will a personality make people think they aren't taking it seriously? Please.

We consider it our duty to rewrite some of these yawn-worthy reactions, take a peek:

• Jane Krakowski, Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series, 30 Rock

What She Said: "I'm so honored to be part of this ensemble. This is my first Emmy nomination; I'm so excited! I am blown away by the number of nominations the show has received and thrilled for everyone."

What She Should've Said: "I already have a friggin' Tony, this is way overdue since Calista stole my thunder on Ally McBeal."

• Alec Baldwin, Best Actor in a Comedy Series, 30 Rock

What He Said: "I'm thrilled for everyone connected to the show. It's great working with the entire group, and I'm grateful for the recognition of our work."

What He Should've Said: "[Laughs uproariously] Duh."

• Seth MacFarlane, Best Comedy Series for Family Guy

What He Said: "We're thrilled to see American Dad recognized by the Academy. We have a great team of people that work incredibly hard on both shows. I'm really proud of them."

What He Should've Said: "Screw you, Simpsons! How long have you been on the air, two decades? We got canceled twice and still got the Best Comedy Emmy nom you never did! Ha!"

• Glenn Close, Best Actress in a Drama, Damages

What She Said: "I'm thrilled. I'm part of a phenomenal team and am so, so happy for all our nominees."

What She Should've Said: "Uh, did you guys just copy and paste the exact same list of nominees from last year? You can't fool me by adding in Elisabeth Moss! I'm Glenn Close! I know all!"

• Kevin Dillon, Best Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series, Entourage

What He Said: "I am so glad to be part of such a great show! I share this nomination with my fellow actors and am honored to be working with the best cast and crew in town."

What He Should've Said: "It's great to be nominated again with my costar Jeremy Piven. Oh wait, he wasn't nominated this year? Even though he won the past three years in a row? It couldn't be because he pissed off everyone in Hollywood could it?"

• Tina Fey, Best Actress in a Comedy Series, 30 Rock

What She Said: Nothing yet. Out of character for her to be so silent!

What She Should've Said: "You're going down, Dreyfus!"

—Additional reporting by Becky Bain

Kristin Cavallari: Not One, But Two Hills Seasons!

Kristin Cavallari is so the new Lauren Conrad of The Hills.

How else do you explain Cavallari getting a two-season deal on MTV's hit pseudo-reality show?

That's right. Cavallari, 22, told us yesterday she'll be around a lot longer than the 10 episodes that were originally announced.

"I'm signed for two seasons," she said while promoting her new DVD flick Van Wilder Freshman Year at the Jack LaLanne juicer-sponsored Silver Spoon House in Malibu. "We'll see how it goes, but that's probably all I'll really want to do."

But it's not like Cavallari wants to be Conrad 2.0…

Cavallari said she has no plans to try to knock Conrad's young adult novel L.A. Candy off the New York Times best-seller list. "It hasn't even crossed my mind, she said when asked if she has similar literary aspirations. "So I don't think so."

Meanwhile, Cavallari also revealed that she put on a little too much weight while filming Van Wilder. "I had been in Atlanta for two months, eating fast food and whatever the hell I wanted," she explained. "I completely let myself go."

For a lingerie scene, she begged the filmmakers to let her wear a corset. "They wouldn't let me," she said. "They ended up having to cut the scene down a lot. Not kidding. It's a lot shorter than it was supposed to be. I was definitely 10 pounds heavier."

—Reporting by Dahvi Shira

Ivanka Trump Engaged To Longtime Boyfriend

Ivanka Trump is headed down the aisle!

The "Celebrity Apprentice" judge and daughter of Donald Trump announced her engagement to Jared Kushner on Thursday on Twitter.

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"I got engaged last night...truly the happiest day of my life," she Tweeted.

Donald told Access Hollywood that he's extremely excited for his daughter and future son-in-law.

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"I am very happy about it," Donald said in a statement to Access. "They make for a magnificent couple."

Ivanka and Jared have been reportedly dating since 2007. The couple had a brief split, but reunited in July 2008.

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Actress Mischa Barton on "psych hold" in L.A

Actress Mischa Barton, whose career cooled following her exit from the hit television show "The O.C.," has been hospitalized in Los Angeles for psychiatric observation, a news report said on Thursday.

Barton, 23, was admitted to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center on Wednesday, after police placed her under an involuntary psychiatric hold, the TV gossip show "Access Hollywood" said.

Barton's spokesman said the actress was "safely transferred to medical treatment for which she remains hospitalized, as per the recommendation of her doctor." He declined further comment.

"Access Hollywood" quoted an unidentified source as saying Barton was placed under Section 5150 of the California Welfare and Institutions Code by police and transported to Cedars-Sinai. Pop star Britney Spears was also placed on a 5150 hold twice in 2008 during her highly public meltdown.

The London-born, New York-raised actress made her breakthrough in the teen soap "The O.C.," playing a troubled, bi-curious socialite. But her character was killed off at the end of the third season in 2006, and the show was canceled the following year. The actress has appeared in a strong of low-profile features since then.

Last year, she pleaded no contest to drunken driving in Los Angeles and was sentenced to three years probation. In 2007, she was briefly hospitalized for what a spokesperson described as a bad reaction to medication.

(Reporting by Dean Goodman; editing by Todd Eastham)